Monday, May 28, 2012
Singles dating others with Kids
This seems to be a hot topic and many people come out on different sides of the coin. Should a man or woman date another person who has a kid or kids from a previous relationship? My answer is: it depends. First and foremost, women or men that require attention to the umpteenth power should not. If you're an adult about the situation and realize that the child or children will come first then, that's part of the battle. Next, BABY MAMA DRAMA or BABY DADDY DRAMA! It is out there but can be handled. I'll say if you're a single person just dating, don't date a person with kids. 1, you'll never know if you can handle the situation because you shouldn't meet the kids until you know the relationship is going further. It creates a false sense of "dating" because all you're exposed to is the relationship between you two. Sure, he may run to take calls or pay bills, or she may have the kids at her parents so she can date, but in the end you won't know if you can handle playing mom or stepdad until the situation mirrors what it will be if the kids become a part of the relationship.
I know a relationship is part love, committment, and communication. But a lot more goes into it than that. Single fathers: realize that if she's going to be the main lady or wife or whatever, treat her as such. I'm not saying to neglect your kids, but realize that kids and the mother can be manipulative and you as a man have to be willing to make the sacrifices necessary to keep your mate happy. Otherwise you might find yourself alone or with a single mom with her own children.
Single mothers: Realize your kids come first and don't neglect them for a "good man" but learn to balance it. Make time to spend with your man and make sure your kids understand that they are not being put on the back burner. People talk about the kids, but nobody focuses on the relationship. Both parents or people deserve to be happy and once the children are grown and on their own, what's left? Loneliness? Frustration? Regret?
A relationship is never easy and a relationship that can lead to an immediate family is even harder. But if both people talk, communicate, speak up when necessary, and are willing to make sacrifices on both sides, the relationship may have a chance. Kids don't equal doom, they equal sacrifice.
Don't take on more than you can chew and don't be so desperate for love that you will fall for anything or anyone. But if you find someone who truly loves you and you can return the same intensity of love and committment, overcome that hurdle first and go into the situation open-mindedly and cautiously. It may just work out. If not, take it with a grain of salt (lesson learned) and move forward. Heartache and tears aren't permanent.
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